Three days...

Have you ever had a dream come true? I mean an honest to goodness, just like you imagined, daydream come true? It's unsettleing! This is not meant to sound pessimistic but dreams aren't really supposed to come true. Goals come true! Dreams live in your heart and your subconcious, giving you hope and purpose and light in your trials. But they're dreams! If they were meant to come true than they would be called plans! But here I find myself, three days from a dream come true.

When I was a little girl, I would crawl into my mother's lap and she would pull out her photo album. Inside were pictures of her in Norway, Switzerland, France, Italy and England. There were pictures of her at boarding school and playing with her siblings in Norweigian snow. My personal favorites were the pictures of her marrying my father in a little town just outside London. These places were exotic and elite where magical things happened. Paris, the city of romance and lovers. London, historic and mysterious where 1500 years of untold stories pulsed from its very walls.

I dreamed that someday I would walk the streets of those cities. But it was a dream, mostly I never imagined it could really come true. Now I am three days from boarding a plane and living a dream. It is kind of upsetting! What do you do when dreams come true!? I suppose you get new ones! I am just so afraid that I will go and it won't be amazing, it won't be wonderful and it won't even be fun! Or I'll go and it will fly by and I won't absorb any of it and I'll have no memories.

I know, I worry too much. I guess part of me feels like this summer is going to represent a division in my life. Like BC and AD, or BCE and CE. Laura's life will be measured BE and AE: Before England and After England! Does anyone else know what I'm talking about when I say that I can feel the change coming? Does anyone else ever feel like that? Something is looming, good or bad, it's something big and I'm not sure I'm ready for it. I was just beginning to get comfortable with the way things are now.

If you want a clone...

How, you ask, can a girl so boy crazy swear off men? That's a good question. I'd start at the beginning but that would take too long so I will start in the middle. I feel ill treated by the harsher sex and to steal a phrase from my best friend, I feel disposable! I'm not quite sure what happened or when but all of a sudden, I am just another girl. Worse than that, I am less than any other girl. As bratty and cocky as it may sound, I am not use to being easily gotten over.

Maybe it's just Mormon boys. Not to bash the men my religion turns out because the adult mormon men I know are some of the greatest most honorable men I have ever met. I look up to most of them like favorite uncles. They are loyal and dedicated and kind and intelligent and funny and everything that I could hope for in a husband some day. However, the single men my age, yeah, not so much. I have never been so ill treated as I have by young mormon men. They have used me, abused me, ignorned me, and as earlier stated, treated me as disposable.

I have been much better treated by the regular men I meet daily. The guys in my classes, at work, on the bus, at the local cafe, these men are funny and kind. They make me feel beautiful and special where these mormon boys make me feel completely interchangeble with the next redheaded mormon girl they meet. That is the most depressing thought. I have always wanted to marry a mormon boy because it seemed that they embodied all the best of what I wanted in a future spouse. Maybe I was wrong.

So, in an act of desperation, before I repeat my usual spring stupid rash decision, which is almost always prompted by another rejection from a mormon boy, I am swearing off men. (Ironically, both this year and last year, I was disposed of for some other mormon girl) This summer will be the best summer yet. I said that last summer and it was. I am going on my dream trip to England. I am taking one class from an awesome professor. I am spending this summer focused on my favorite thing...me. ; ) I am taking up my hobbies that I never had time for before.

I am going to fill up my portfolio with drawings and stories, practice mehndi and train to run a marathon! I am going to get more organized and prioritize. I am going to be there for my friends and volunteer at Hope House. And the whole time...I am swearing off men! I will still flirt or else I would die... But I will no longer zero in on every single man within ten feet and immediately asses his potential.

I am young and beautiful. I am funny and smart and loyal and religious. I work hard and play hard. I love my friends and family. I am bubbly and witty. I am interesting and mysterious and passionate. I am going to have an amazing summer. I am going to focus on me and let the Mormon boys date their carbon copy girls cause if that's what they want, they never would have made me happy in the first place.

Field Trips

It's going to take someone pretty awesome to get me to pick him over a juicy murder mystery novel. Gracie says I'm like chocolate chunk coffee ice cream and I can't date vanilla guys, and trust me, I've dated some vanilla in my time.

I think we grow up fed on romance novels, movies and fairy tales. We develop this picture in our head of the perfect man sprinkled liberally with father issues and we spend a considerable amount of time searching for him. I thought I found him once, Frederick. He was sweet and smart and romantic. He made me feel beautiful like I could have anything I wanted. That was part of the problem. I should not get everything I want, though I still tend to.

I figured out that I need someone strong and as selfish as me. I need someone who won't let me always have my way; someone not afraid to voice his opinion and ask for things. I need someone who who will force me to pay attention to him but appreciate individual space. It's gotta be someone who can take my brother's s**t and deal with baggage. For heaven's sake, I want a man's man who will let me cry without insisting on fixing it.

Gracie says it's our own fault, women's that is. We kept asking for sweeter, gentler men and ended up with a bunch of metrosexual sissies. I mean, COME ON, GROW A PAIR! If I wanted to date a woman, I'd be a lesbian and date Gracie! (I think Jack would understand)

Sorry about the minor rant...lol. Anyway, I went shopping with Gracie yesterday, the excuse was buying a present for Jack's birthday but I needed a little retail therapy...and a cute winter coat. Speaking of which, Gracie talked me into buying this red wool peacoat number. I was hesitant at first because I needed a coat to wear all the time. However, as with all things, Gracie should always be listened to.

I heard on the Today show that some study proves that men are more attracted to the color red. Well, that just seems obvious. Red is the color of fire, passion, it's bold and strong and mysterious. I may be prejudiced because I'm a red head but it's my signature color. I love my new red coat. I wore it to campus today. I think I'm the only student with a red coat. Literally, almost every guy I pass gives me the look. I love my new red coat and Gracie for making me get it.

Alec Baldwin

So I kept seeing promo spots for 30 Rock. I have never watched the show but I like Tina Fey and it won a bunch of awards so I thought, what the heck, might as well. I went to put the first two seasons in my Netflix queue when I discovered that I can actually watch the episodes directly on my computer. This resulted in a two-day 30 Rock spree. A constant infusion of Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin and comedy. Now this story could have ended with a new show for me to Tivo. Instead, I have a new obsession with Alec Baldwin.

I am well aware that he is fifty years old. But as Gracie would say, that's only like thirty in Lolita years. Did you know he is 5'11''? That is a good four inches taller then me. He's pretty much ideal. Tall, dark and ruggedly handsome, piercing blue eyes, mature and smart. I have now put every Netflix movie with hot Alec Baldwin in my queue. I've seen The Juror in which he plays a mob psycho/stalker. I loved it, I wish I was Demi Moore. I totally would have loved to have him stalk me.

Then I watched Suburban Girl. Otherwise know as "Gypsy's Dream Life." Sarah Michelle Geller plays an Associate Editor who falls in love with a literary big wig, Alec Baldwin. The May-December romance ensues much to my satisfaction. So with all this in mind, I'm sitting in class tonight, listening to horribly boring presentations. It was then I realized that the current presenter is not only gorgeous but looks a lot like Alec Baldwin. Long story short, I want one.

Electricity

I love going to school. I love classes and professors. I love new friends and writing papers and learning new things. Perhaps, the one thing I love best is the flirting. I love the electricity when you meet someone new, when you see someone across the room and something flares in the pit of your stomach, something roars to life. But it's even better when they look back at you and you know they feel it too.

This semester, I have just such an electrical reaction to enjoy. Right after lunch, every Tuesday and Thursday, I go straight to the mirror, check my hair, apply lipgloss and straighten my clothes so there is just enough cleavage showing. Then I march into my class well aware of just how fabulous I look. I think his name is Aaron. He sits two seat behind and one or two seats to the right of me. Now this is the perfect place for him if he feels like gazing at me all class but it makes it rather obvious when I want to gaze at him. For the past two weeks I have been failing at sly glances. He is well aware that I'm checking him out. BUT...he seems to return the sentiment because almost everytime I look back, I catch him looking at me too.


Electricity. Our eyes meet and my stomach does flip flops. He is average build, average hieght and average face, not my typical football build type. But his eyes sparkle and his smile gives me butterfiles. So our eyes meet and depending on my level of brazen energy I either flash him my dazzling smile, my sultry smile or glance away and smirk. We have yet to speak a word to each other that was not related to the class and who knows if we ever will. It depends on just how brazen I feel. Maybe I'll write my number on a piece of paper and slip it to him on the last day of the semester. But I know he feels the electricity too. It's obvious by the look in his eyes and the smile he flashes back. Perhaps he has a girlfriend and is simply enjoying the attention of a pretty girl.


Part of me hopes nothing ever happens more then this. I hate the part when you start talking and discover he's an idoit or a raging conservative. For now, he is the mysterious man in my economics class. For now, every time our eyes meet I get another shock of electricity and smile to myself.


Anyway, I remebered another three names for the list above. Gary. He goes after Matt and before Henry. Then Ray who goes before Henry but after Gary and finally Patrick who comes after Henry but before George...I think. Hmmm, my most recent relationships seem to be rather difficult to keep track of. Speaking of the list, George is being absolutely foul, which is really nothing new for him. One of the many lessons learned from that relationship would be not to date people you are forced to see all the time. The story of George is a long one *but* I have a feeling that it is finally over! However, that's a story for another day.

So, Frederick has been on my mind a lot lately. I don't know if it's because I saw him recently (barely, for like a second) or maybe just because, if things had been different, then Oct. 11th would have been our wedding day. Instead I went to San Diego with my mother on a girl's trip. It probably doesn't help that my best friend, Gracie, happens to be married to his close friend and co-worker, Jack. In fact, I might never have met Jack and Gracie if it hadn't been for Frederick. I wonder why I can't move on completely, maybe I'm just sick of being a fifth wheel. Stay tuned for that rather complicated story.

Welcome to my tales...

       I sat down and made a valiant attempt to list every male I have ever had some sort of romantic relationship with since the age of six. I could list about thirty. In approximately chronological order: Jacob, Anthony, Dave, James, Sean, Tony, John, Lance, Chris, Adam, Alex, Mr. A, Tony 3, Mitch, Brad, Mr. T, John 2, Gabe, Jake, Jules, Cameron, Jesse, McKay, Collin, Adam 2, Josh, Frederick, Matt, Henry, and George. Some of these are momentary relationships, longtime crushes or lifelong complications. 

     So this blog will be about my life, these men and those in the future. Stay tuned folks, cause when your twenty-something, unmarried and without children, you've got time for drama and life is like a soap opera...